SHOCKING TRUTH

Something else happened a few days ago. I was walking along this pretty new path near our home and saw doggie droppings. Should I try to move them?--but I didn't have anything with me and couldn't see anything around that would help, so I didn't. (I did so last week when I saw a worm had come out onto the path, and deposited it onto the dirt nearby so others taking a walk wouldn't have to see the yucky creature.)

And a funny scene came into my head: what if somebody saw me and asked, "What are you doing that for?" I COULD reply--with a halo above my head, of course--"because I don't want peoples' walks being ruined with unpleasant stuff like this"...or give an HONEST reply--I wonder what their reaction would be if I said--"because I want people to think I'm a good person"!

The heart of man, the heart of man. Jeremiah says the heart of man is DECEITFUL above all things, and desperately wicked. Even when we think we're doing good things with good motives, the real reason is we want to feel good about ourselves, and if someone else would think so too, all the better!

FOLLOW

This is the day children of God commemorate the way God made Reconciliation possible for us by sending us His Son Jesus to die on the Cross--HALLELUJAH!  May the day be soaked through with awareness of His special love rebounding in irrepressible praise.

---------------------------

A short thot for today:

"Surely GOODNESS and MERCY shall FOLLOW me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." (Ps.23:6)

O Lord, FOLLOW me!

When my back is turned to Thee, follow me!

Sinful, wretched soul I am, yet follow me!

Then Lord, may I turn around and

be able to do none else than

with all my being

follow hard after Thee.

HELPLESS FOOLS

You know that poem Piper wrote about getting roses for his wife for their 30th anniversary? This morning, when having my Garden Time and thinking about how I really wanted to clean house today, I found myself praying, "Lord, enable me--fill my life with overspill of joy power--to do right, not just because it's right and what I'm supposed to do, but because it's something I absolutely WANT to do. Lord, help me not be able to help it but do right!"

"Oh Johnny, these are BEAUTIFUL! Why did you?"

"I...(chuckle)...I couldn't HELP myself!"

May we be "helpless", happy fools for Thee!

HEDONISTIC MOTIVES

 - I go to the beach

Not just because I have to measure the tide

    or take samples of the sand back to the laboratory

        or study the sea life

But I go there to swim with long strokes, circling freely with my arms

    to feel the ocean breeze and cool splash of water

        to listen to laughing seagulls and children.

- I eat this meal

Not just because I have to ingest proteins, vitamins, water, calories

necessary to sustain life

    or participate in customary activity to be courteous

        or even to maintain self-discipline in daily routine

But my mouth waters - happily, effortlessly

    when I chomp into the juicy steak and buttery potatoes

        when I become momentarily oblivious to all other senses.

Altho' of a different category,

- I am a Christian

Not just because I have to uphold exemplary standards of moral living

    or think of it as defining my religious persuasion

        or even to please God

But because He is MY TREASURE and I get to revel in

the power, joy, freedom He affords my day

    because He works to please ME

        because then I can live life to the -nth degree

...to ENJOY!

BENDS DOWN A WHOLE LOT (Osaka Trip Series)

I thought about meeting Brian at the Eki when I got to Osaka, surprised at how much I had to stre-t-t-t-t-ch up just to give him a hug (we Orientals don't get that close to heaven!). I said to myself, "How in the world does someone as small as 5-year-old Amy get her arms around her daddy's neck?" And I could picture Brian saying, with a twinkle in his eye, "Well, I have to bend down a little."

And it hit me. God "BENDS DOWN A WHOLE LOT" to see we get embraces of Love from Him!

A slight change to a familiar hymn:

"Into my bondage, sorrow and night,

Jesus has come, Jesus has come;

Bringing His freedom, gladness and light,

Jesus has come to me.

Into my sickness, bringing His health,

Into my want and bringing His wealth,

Into my sin and bringing Himself,

Jesus has come to me."

PREARRANGED MEETING (Osaka Trip Series)

When I got off at the Osaka train terminal, I realized the place was much bigger than I'd thought; the words I'd given Brian, "I'll see you at the Osaka train station" was nowhere near sufficient! Then the thought crossed my mind about Mommy and Daddy meeting for the first time in front of the Forbidden City Restaurant in Tokyo when they hadn't even seen each other, and I knew God could get me and Brian together.

"Okay, God, You'll have to get us together, 'cuz we absolutely have no idea where to go or how to meet!" I got off the train at the central exit and began walking towards the west exit. I didn't know it, but Brian had gotten to the train station and prayed the same thing as he began walking from the west exit to the central one. We met in 5 mins., as if the meeting had been prearranged.

Well, I guess it had been. God had arranged it, just not let us humans know!

EPILEPSY EXTRAS (Epilepsy Series)

 * The time Kinya jerked open the shower door when I was still inside. He must've been wondering if I was lying there unconscious after a seizure 'cuz it was taking so long for me to get out. Actually, I was done with bathing but was cleaning tho' still in my birthday suit. Things like this are EVIDENCES of Kinya's caring about--worrying about, anyway--me, since only something like that would make him take such an impulsive action. And the thought that normally follows: GOD PUT KINYA THERE TO WATCH OVER ME!

* I could go on and on about the "extras" I've gleaned as a result of my epilepsy...oh, just one more! I did tell you, didn't I, about Kinya's "cyberspace knight" incident in which he protected a person being bullied on the Internet? It's a LONG story. But the reason her website caught his eye was because she was engaged to a person who had epilepsy, and Kinya's self-introduction to her was something like, "I think we have something very much in common." And they'd become special acquaintances that way. It was my having epilepsy that gave him this outreach; that resulted in his being instrumental in protecting her; that, as a result of this incident, ,y first poem to Kinya was composed; that, as a result of that, led to a second poem which ended up in commencement of letter-writing to Kinya.

Back in the 9th grade, I did as Paul did in the New Testament. I asked God to take away the "thorn in the flesh". If only we'd be able to recognize His "My grace is sufficient for thee" actually ends up being " My blessings will be too much, burst and overflow, for thee". What we often see as holes, flaws, are just APERTURES FOR HIS BLESSINGS without which we would miss out on so much!

FORESEEN RESCHEDULING (Epilepsy Series)

Tuesday's Martha and Mary Kai activity, I'd been pretty sure I wouldn't be able to attend because I needed to be at school, so I'd told the pastor's wife and the woman's group president. It turns out the place we'd planned on going to was closed Tuesday due to a national holiday Monday (I guess because it's a tourist place, a place lots of people go to for holidays CAN'T close then so have their days off the following days!) So our M and & Kai was rescheduled to next month, and I can go then Besides, God knew that even if my school activity ended in time for me to hurry to church for M and M Kai, I wouldn't be in physical condition to do so! (I told you about the seizures that afternoon!) Would a human physician have been able to foresee my physical condition ahead of time...or even if he could, would he have been able to tell establishments to close on certain days because events needed to be rescheduled? Praise God the Orchestrator of the Universe Whose we are!

RED SEA CROSSING (Epilepsy Series)

That time of the month is never a really good time for me, sometimes the epilepsy medicine being lost in the blood and resulting in petit mal seizures.... Petit mal seizures aren't bad at all, just can be embarrassing if they happen at the wrong time (like when teaching children's church down at Tama). This time tho', it's been a little more than usual--had three this morning while having devotions--and worried that they might act up again when I went to school for yakuin stuff (collecting and counting money for bazaar food). Over two hours, nothing happened. I came home and was on this computer, making the announcement for next month's children's meeting, and I had several seizures. It's like God held back the water for the Israelites to cross, then let it go when the restraint was no longer necessary. I's gonna go upstairs and nap; I've had several more while writing these two paragraphs. Mebbe I'll let Hubby either make supper or take the kiddos out tonight. He's good about that. (Hubby DID take the kids out. And God gave me time for writing him a letter, listening to Piper tapes, doing a little emailing!)

WEIGHTY BENEFIT (Housecleaning, Mundane Series)

Emily's been gone since Wed on her "shukuhaku gakushuu" (overnight excursion) and will get back tomorrow evening. Kinya took her to the store several times to get her all the things she needed. And I packed her backpack--so much! But if, in an effort to make her backpack lighter, she REMOVED some of the items, she would've definitely been unhappy when she NEEDED the things she removed. Sometimes God gives us heavy burdens. If we bristle, cringe, REFUSE to carry the burdens He presents us with, later on we'll be VERY SORRY. God gives us only those things we NEED, things that will BENEFIT us, not just burdens to make us suffer I wrote about the above in Japanese, along with Matt. 7:11 and Lam. 3:32-33 (not to be confused with the oft-quoted 22-23), in a letter to Kinya.

WEEDING AND LEADING (Housecleaning and Mundane Series)

Sunday is the neighborhood clean-up day, when "everyone" will be going to the nearby Temple to weed the yard - mostly to get it ready for the fall festival. I feel funny about doing weeding work at the Temple 7-8 AM then leaving for church to sit at the feet of a God Who HATES idolatry. I don't want to look self-righteous and judgmental but don't want to convey a pragmatic hypocrisy either in my disloyalty to Love - I think it's called "uwaki" (an affair) so was wondering about what to do when...

I burned myself. It was with a lid of a pot. Almost seemed to be God's loud-and-clear "I really don't want you to go." But methinks the burn was light enough to be able to go anyway (er, that is, God seemed to give me the idea to keep it under running water for long periods of time) but enunciate I WILL not go--not CANNOT go--tho' am willing to help w/whatever else is necessary. Lord, give wisdom and a non-obnoxious spirit, but guard me from desire for man's approval and understanding. Oh to be "helpless" in love to be able to think of nothing else than to please thee!

About Sunday's weeding. It turns out I'd misunderstood, again. Altho' the fall festival mentioned in the announcement bears the temple's name, the actual weeding Sunday will be done, not at the Temple, but on the usual open lot! Yes! He'd let me burn myself to let me know how He felt then let it keep from getting bad because He knew it wouldn't be necessary! Thank You, Lord!

I think I want to laugh. The above weeding activity was 9/22. The morning of 9/25, God led me to read Song 8:7, including the words "many waters cannot quench love", mentally tying together BURNING with GOD'S JEALOUS LOVE! Perhaps that wasn't the intent of the passage, but He seemed to whisper it to me with a smile and a wink, and then He seemed to let me hear the echo in my own heart for 8:13, CAUSE ME TO HEAR your voice all the time, dear Jesus!

LEGALISTIC WINDOW CLEANING (Housecleaning, Mundane Series)

Our apartment windows need to be cleaned badly. But it's one thing to see the negative--grime needing to be removed--thus clean them, and another thing to anticipate positives--how clear they will be and readily admit light as well as how fresh I will feel--thus clean them.

If you want another parallel here, it would be motivations of Legalistic Christianity--removing offensive behavior and habits, even standards--as opposed to motivations of Grace--desiring an unimpeded, intimate love-relationship with God, when resolving sin. They're both seemingly doing the same thing.

UELGH! (Housecleaning, Mundane Series)

Part of my letter to Kinya today was about the cleaning. There are some things that needed to be cleaned again and again because they keep getting dirty...and there are other areas that altho' have been thoroughly cleaned don't even look like have been touched because are just plain disorderly. And then, like in the former post, there are efforts that actually backfire. LOTS of cleaning has been done, but you can't tell because of having to work through layers of filth to get to dirt! As I told Joyce, when she comes next week, I won't guarantee a spic-and-span home, but at least I'll be able to show her the kitchen exhaust fan without feeling ashamed (the grime there was...UELGH! I'm glad I didn't have to stand outside next to that fan!) There's a children's TV Program on now about a little girl who fell into a drum can and found herself sucked into a world of trash--when she realizes where she is, she "UCK!"s with the dirt surrounding her. Can you imagine what the Lord Jesus must've felt to come into the stench of man? to LIVE here for over 30 years?!?

NOT KNOTHOLES (Housecleaning, Mundane Series)

I'm going to skip a lot of stuff and zero in on something that happened this morning when looking at the wooden wall near the ceiling. I thought I was staring at knotholes, then I realized they were old cobwebs that had snapped, curled into balls, dried up against the wall! I mean, "knotholes" " came off" when wiped! (Some of those "knotholes" MOVED! I realized then they were teeny tiny spiders!) The house was even dirtier than I had thought, and I'd thought it was filthy! I said to myself, isn't that so much like the way I look at my heart? I figure some of the unpleasant things I see are natural results of aging, experiences, temperament...and I realize later they are plain SIN that need to be confessed as much! The heart is dirtier than imagined. Jer. 17:9.

I mentioned they came off when wiped. After I realized what they really were, I started going around the rooms again to take down the "knothole" cobwebs I now knew they were. Ha, ha; can't fool me now! Here comes June, the "Clean Crusader". But one room took me by surprise. The wall was of a rough sandpaper-like texture, so when I "wiped" it, the tangled threads taken off other walls were actually pulled off the mop and lodged on the wall I'd tried to clean! I heard an echo: "YOU CANNOT MANAGE SIN. God knows how to best deal with them. Our part is to admit, confess, forsake. Trying to repress, cover up, belittle, make better, etc..., only makes matters worse. (Later, a vacuum cleaner applied to that wall took care of the problem. It's clean now.) (^_^)

MONSTER SPIDER (Housecleaning, Mundane Series)

I don't know what happened to the record of this incident; it happened a few weeks ago, but I don't have it on file anywhere! Here 'tis in a nutshell:

I'd sent the kids upstairs to bed, and a few moments later, they came charging back downstairs with, "There's a huge spider in the room, and we can't go to sleep with it there!" I grabbed some tissue, a flyswatter, and headed up the stairs, thinking I'd take care of the bothersome bug, tell the children to go to bed for goodness' sake. But when I entered the room and took a look at the ceiling, my face contorted into this eerie smile. I'm used to the long-legged type, but this spider was the fat-bodied, tarantula type, bigger than any I've seen live before.

It seemed to be taking this threatening pose, as if he would touch me if I got any closer. I sez, if I swing and miss, it would no doubt scurry off to its hiding place, and then nobody would ever get to sleep knowing it could come out of hiding in the middle of the night...but worse, if I hit it-- it was a little lower than the ceiling, so I'd have to get up on a stool and swing up at it--its carcase might come land on my head or face--ooh! uck! Shivers!...and the thought made me unable to move. So I told the kids they could sleep on the futons in the room nextdoor, and I camped out on the beds with a good book to read the hour and a half before Hubby came home; I planned on having him take care of the creepy crawler! I wanted to keep an eye on it tho', ' cuz I didn't want it scurrying out of sight or NO ONE--including me--would go to sleep in that room at night!

When Huggy came home, He breathed a "It's HUGE!" but took two swipes and took care of the creature on the wall. Relief...I think. Emily wondered how that spider got inside the house to begin with, and I was left wondering if there were spider eggs nesting somewhere. Know any good spider egg hunters?

Like sin, I sez. At first, we think, no big deal. I can take care of it. But before we realize it, it's become a fat, paralyzing problem against which we have no power or peace of mind. But we turn it over to God and He takes care of it with 2 strokes: confession--wham--and repentance--wham! (This came to mind just awhile ago: actually, the only real problem that remains is our keeping those spider eggs--harboring seeds of temptation and future sin--in our hearts somewhere!)

THAT KIND OF "HAPPY"

Lord, why is it that

    when one drinks fully, deeply of Thee

    other pleasures and thrills suddenly seem so weakly,

                                                                 so unappealing,

Might it not have been better                             so unsatisfying? 

    never to have taken a draught

    and go on being satisfied, even with a lower level of happiness,

    and not even know there could be anything better?

"Is it better never to have loved

    And not know the bittersweet pain of parting?

Don't even glance at the "lower levels".

    With your eye-heart plastered on ME,

    Won't your heart be bursting with so much "happy"

    That nothing else will really matter?

I CAN give that kind of 'happy', you know."

OPTIONS

 "Convictions" is ABSOLUTELY THE WRONG WORD. / Personal standards ought be called "Options", like air-conditioning or power locks in new-car-purchase catalogues. / They should be ways Christians find they GET TO "love God better" thus ENJOY LIFE MORE!

IF wearing skirts for women or having short hair for men ALLOWS the individual to proclaim, / "MY GOD IS WORTH MY TREATING HIM THIS SPECIAL-- / EVEN IF THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS I'M DORKY FOR DOING IT! / THEY WILL JUST HAVE TO FORGIVE ME!" methinks that "option's" okay.

IF listening to non-beat music is motivated by the feeling: / "I WANT TO PRAISE GOD WITH ALL OF MY HEART- /-AND I WANT TO STAY FREE FROM EMOTIONS THAT WOULD WEAKEN IT / I WANT TO STAY AS FAR AWAY AS I CAN FROM WORLDLY EXPRESSIONS OF COUNTERFEIT PLEASURE THAT MIGHT CHEAPEN IT IN ANY WAY!" / then that "option's" okay too, methinks.

BUT when they become MEASURING LINES for / "right/wrong" living, "spirituality", or factions...uck!

JUNE 2002 THOUGHTS

Real Power in Leadership is

 to be able to stoop down to the weakest, feeblest, frailest, / and motivate them with words of conviction: If God could do it for a "hopeless loser" like me, / HE CAN DO IT FOR ANYBODY--YOU!

from John Piper's taped message, "Insufficiency of Hell":

And people's response should be remorse & regret that they've / MISSED SO MUCH! / Fall out of love with the world and fall in love with God" / By "world," 90% innocent things: / the main problem in the church isn't gross sin; it's loving innocent things! / "The pain of genuine repentance flows from the pleasure of seeing God."

GOD'S ADS

Can we truly be salt-of-the-earth to "seduce", allure, attract to God if

    those who see us see we have "sampled" Him and

    do not find Him satisfying?

If they see, however, that

    we find Him better than anything we ever expected,

    that He becomes all-consuming,

    that we become so intoxicated with/addicted to Him,

    that it results in our easily throwing away things--

    legitimate, desirable things--in order to "get God,"

    and the only reason we might hold onto other things is for

    their pawning value to gain more of Him...

    well, that's GOTTA create the response:

    What makes him so happy? I want some too!

MAY 2002 THOUGHTS

God, this morning I need / to be so held in THY embrace that / it squeezes out love that / just has to be shared today.

Man calls it dead, dry, crushed petals; / God calls it choice material for his Potpourri. // Man calls it shackles; / God calls it embraces of love, holding me to Himself.

Is there no Psalm that says, "When Thou dost fill my soul, / my heart cannot but praise Thee"? / Lord, may this be a "song of lovely things" I dedicate to Thee.

God is the Master of the Informal Balance (artists), / the Master of the Picarde (sp?) 3rd (musicians)

Thou dost love me because of WHO THOU ART, not because of WHAT I AM!

Can God FORCE Grace? Methinks not; He waits for us to really ask; / but when we do, He opens the floodgates of Heaven and lets us have so much / we're squealing and peeping, begging for a larger heart / to be able to receive more.

NO COMPARISON

ONLY God can give so much satisfaction

    it brings out a plea for a better heart

    to be able to enjoy Him more! 

Whoever heard of a person watching the boob tube

    and crying out, "Wait! I can't stand it anymore!

     There's too much pleasure coming at me

     from that screen, and I can't soak it all in!

     Turn it off before I burst!"

Never. No comparison.

     

MY WORKMAN

He will work with the jumble I am--all my life.

I do not perplex Him:

I am His;

And there is no puzzle on earth He has a hard time solving.

What a mess!

But He folds me in His arms and says,

"You poor thing, you--I Love you

And I really, really want you to love Me.

Believe it or not, it makes a great deal of difference to Me--

How you feel about Me, I mean."

And even while He's working with me,

    the imperfect, sinful self I still am,

He winks, smiles, says, "I see you,"

Whispers shared secrets

    and sends blessings enough to take my breath away.

O my God, my Love, my Workman,

Make me into a special treat for Thee.

MARCH-APRIL 2002 THOUGHTS

Governor Pilate couldn't free Jesus; / He himself was enchained to appease the mob. / King Jesus can liberate all men / And unshackle hearts completely!

We don't have to adopt surrealistic things of the world, /attach "Christian" labels to them, / and try to live by visibly morally upright standards / and call them "examples" to emulate.

The bush warbler's （うぐいす）song of "ho-hokekyo" is going again, / Clearly. / "June, come with Me to My Garden, and know spring. / Don't stay out in the cold winter any longer than you need to."

私たちの神様は、「不可能」を「可能」にする神様、

    ただ「どうにか」、「なんとか」助けてくれるだけでなく、

私たちの望みをはるかに越えて「豊かに」祝福してくれる神様、

    傷を癒してくれるだけでなく、

私たちの心を喜び・ちから・愛で満ちあふれさせてくれる神様、

 「このように働いて私たちをびっくりさせて下さい」と

私たちが祈ることを答えたいと待ってくれる神様なのね。

CHOICES

When it seems I have no choice, / It may be God has already chosen the choicest / --FOR me!

It just occurred to me: if we tell God He's responsible for / choosing all the variables in life, / doesn't it also mean we won't have to worry about decision-making, / just in AGREEING with His choices?

Lord, take all the variables in my life, / and make my enjoyment of Thy choices / honor Thee.

 

JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER

Just a little bit longer to soak up Thy mercy;

A little longer to enjoy Thy love;

Even a moment longer of bursting with joy--

Give me "bond"ing with the Father above!

OUR SONG OF PRAISE (Sequel to Song of Praise, Nov 23)

 Now I pray that Thou wouldst make our (Kinya and my) life

    a song to praise Thee;

    may our harmony be inexplicable but undeniably beautiful

    in sounding out praise to Thee,

    the Only Wise Almighty God Who Love and Lives

    and Works Today!

THOUGHTS FROM CHRISTMAS 2001: 5 THE MANGER

Christ's humiliation explained. And He was willing to become limited, habitually-sinful depraved man, to be born in a stinky, bacteria-infested cave where they kept animals and feed!

A missionary from Russia once came and spoke of how some of the toilets there consist of nothing but a hole in the ground, and how opening the door to that room you'd wonder if some of the previous occupants couldn't see that hole for all the droppings AROUND it, all over the floor.

To think how repelling that must've been--but Jesus was born in a place with animal manure all over the place and laid to rest in the cleanest thing in the room: a feeding trough! (At least, it was for containing things that went INTO the mouth, not came OUT the back end!)

And the God of Heaven protected that low-resistance newborn from disease and death, despite how hell must've fought against it. NOTHING can harm a child of God when GOD is the One protecting him!

Swaddled in God's loving care; the secret of sure safety and sanctity...MAKING EVEN A FEEDING TROUGH BETTER HAVEN THAN A BED OF DOWN FEATHERS AND CLEAN SHEETS! O to be forever "lost in His Love" too!

Thoughts from Xmas 2001: 4 The Shepherds' Response

In preparing this morning's Sunday School Lesson, tho', God showed me something else: the shepherds, after being given the angelic proclamation, went to the stable to SEE the new-born Messiah. No doubt, they entered into the place pretty oblivious to the "animal aroma", the "earth-tone decor", or "animated objects" in the room. The only thing that captivated their attention--and held their worship--was the Christchild in the manger! What a picture of true worship: eyes held by the King of the Universe...provided in love, for even me!

Thoughts from Xmas 2001: 3 The Angels' Message

Something God showed me was in the message of the angel. His proclamation began with the words, "For unto you is born this day in the city of David". No doubt the shepherds quaked at this announcement--it had to do with King David! Royalty, with whom they had little connection. But then, that notice was detailed with the birth of a "babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger." Now THAT they could identify with! That was birthday, shepherd-style...but wait, didn't the angel say it was the birthday of a Messiah? The King of the Jews? The two bits of information...did not compute!

And had it been scholars, they may've rationalized and analyzed and scoffed at the seeming incongruity, the mismatch of data...and in the end, concluded the words to have been allegorical or symbolic, NOT LITERAL But it wasn't scholars, it was shepherds. And they said, "What are we doing just sitting here? Why stand we here idle? If we tarry 'til the morning light, some mischief will come upon us! Now let's go see what that angel was talking about!" And they got up off their heinies (SP?) and rushed off to Bethlehem. And, as a result, they were one of the first to feast their eyes on Jesus!

God doesn't want ROYALTY, an "impressive" display of that which might look good to us; He wants our love, our worship, our single-minded desire to see Him! (And sometimes, even our power of reason can get in the way!) Oh Lord, take me in my simple weakness, just as I am, and as you did for those shepherds thousands of years ago, show Yourself to me! Immanuel.

Thoughts from Christmas 2001: 1 Reconciliation--Finally

Back in 1989, when my husband disappeared, and we got back together for Christmas that year, I remember feeling, "FINALLY!" And it had only been 9 months.

I remembered at BJU, one of the assignments for Old Testament Survey was to read the entire Testament through. The teacher said man had to see his utter sinfulness; then the New Testament would come with the arrival of a Savior. I remember beginning at Genesis and seeing man getting worse and worse, and he was so wicked by the end of the book...AND THIS IS ONLY GENESIS? There are 38 more books? How much worse does he have to get before he sees he needs a Messiah?! And I cried.

Thousands of years pass, then the New Testament comes and Jesus is finally born.

It occurred to me in '89, as strongly as my "Finally" felt to me, it had been only nine months. God had waited thousands of years before seeing a way provided for reconciliation with sinful man! No wonder, I said, a THRONG of angels song! NO WONDER!

Since then, "Angels We Have Heard on High" has carried a new meaning for me. When Jesus was born, not only was man given a Savior; God in Heaven was full of joy at the prospect of being reunited with lost man again! FINALLY.

STUFF

Enjoy w/o being Entangled (Obsessed; Addicted!)

Convey; not Impress (Communicate Clearly; Not Polish!)

Wage War; not Flaunt Style

"Not Self-Perfectionism, but God-Magnification

Master of Heart and Thought and Fingers;

    Show me the secret delight:

    of doing "unprofessional" work for Thee,

    of shedding beautifying detail.

    Show me how to

    shine w/o being "shiny"

That previous paragraph, when the three of us sang at our Dad's banquet in Okinawa, was prayed: "Lord, do let us sing Thy music without human flaw that would detract from the message praising joy in Thee, but oh do let us ring true Thy praise--and if flawless singing would detract from THAT truth, oh let us "FLAW for Thee!"

That was on Daddy's birthday, so it would've been July 20, 2001.

SONG OF PRAISE

 A thought just came to me: is not "testimony" a song of praise?

「霊的元気がでる証」should be what「特別賛美」really is!

Dec. 2001:

Lord, make my life a song to praise Thee;

    May others see-hear and feel vibrations of their own heart-strings,

    To somehow KNOW there is a ring of truth there,

    That only a Living, Satisfying God could compose such a song!

WE DON'T KNOW

 (for the patient who's been told by the doctor that he has a terminal disease:)

None of us really know how much time we have left;

        it's just that some of us know we don't know how much time we have left, 

        and the rest of us don't know we don't know.

-Dec, 2001

PUMPED UP AND OVERFLOWING

 And then for several months, it seemed my heart was so full of praise no poetry I could compose could do it any justice. I borrowed a hymnal from the missionary family here and enjoyed it during my Garden Times. "Love Divine", "And Can It Be", "How Great Thou Art", "The Love of God", "A Child of the King", "Blessed Assurance", "More Love to Thee", "Draw Me Nearer", "I Need Thee Every Hour", "Wonderful Grace of Jesus", "Once for All", "Come Thou Fount"--I can't tell how many hours of "Gushing Joy Time" came from reading those words! One of my email friends is in the charismatic camp, but I kinda doubt she had me beat in emotional response during some of those times!

GOOSEBUMPS NOT PROHIBITED

 THIS IS THE ONE I WANTED YOU TO SEE, THO'. And it's not a poem at all, just a collection of "wham-o" realizations when getting into Piper's "Desiring God" book!

Yes! The omnipotent God is My God--rather, I am His!

"June--both; don't you see? Both--June, you are precious to Me." 

Oh, my God! My Lord and my God and my Love!

In months gone by I was afraid that when I sought Him,

    It was the spontaneous, bubbling joy in knowing Him,

        the drowning in awareness of His love,

            the irrepressible life--boldness -

                                                    -motivation in daily contact with others

    that I yearned for, not God Himself.

I prayed--Lord, all this I seek, as Thou well knowest.

But use these yearnings Lord, to draw me to love of Thyself.

No doubt, He delighted in my prayer. Lord, I remember the pleasure

I have when "Thou art mine;"

    help me to remember where that pleasure came from

    that I might feast upon Thee once more.

"Don't you see? I sent that pleasure to remind you of

Who I am. All that happiness is something I want you to have--

Because I love you."

It may be wrong to desire a lover's flowers, gifts of chocolate,

    and forget the lover;

But isn't it equally foolish to deny delight in Him

    because of a realization of--and dismay at--delight

    in the expressions of His love?

God gives because He is love, and His utter pleasure is

    our joy in receiving;

All I need say is, Thank you so much, God; I love you,

    and He is happy!

My omnipotent God is happy!

And my prayer, More! More of Thee! Give me, show me more of Thee!

Is equally His delight and desire!

"God doesn't want us reading the Word for the goosebumps it gives," but

He doesn't prohibit or criticize our enjoyment of them when they come!

I'D COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS ONE

I'd completely forgotten about this one until I saw it this morning,/perhaps because it isn't really poetry:

Others cannot be attracted to Our lives/ But they can be drawn by Thy Life which they see in me.

All that I find precious--because God loves me--/ Is of dear concern to His heart, too./ And He will let no harm come to them that would damage my heart.

I hear the rolling thunder and feel secure/ Because that is the power protecting me! Nothing can harm me!

I cannot shrink from others if/ That is the power engulfing me--and reaching out to them thru' me.

I cannot fear what others think of me if/ Who I am is no longer relevant; it is what others think of Christ.

Even the sin habit so coloring my own heart/ Cannot dismay me when I know that/ Because Christ lives in me, all His strength and goodness are mine too.

-Feb, 2001

MAKE ME A PRISONER OF THYSELF

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thou art infinitely patient

Thy love only eternity can comprehend

May my poor heart tho' in earthly wrapping 

Be totally consumed with, obsessed with, enthralled by Thee

Make me a prisoner of Thyself

That those who see me may see

All that is worthy of complete ownership,

                                    of full worship,

                                    of absolute adoration

That those who walk in my life

May yearn for the same blissful prisonership

Of knowing Thee.

Jan, 2001

SHHHHH

I started into prayer this morning with, "O Lord, today, please help me to think, not of what others think of me, but what they think of You, and..."

"Shhhhh." It was like God put a finger up to my chatterbox lips.

"Huh? Well, right. What YOU think of me is the most impor..."

"Shhh," He put that finger there again.

"Wh? Lord?"

"Sh." That finger, and a look that said, "Stop. Stop and just hold still."

And God pulled me into an embrace that let me know I needed to start off the day knowing just how much He loved me.

That embrace--I've decided to start all my Garden Times that way, just resting in the arms of the Lord. Oh that all other human beings would be able to "start" every day like this And Lord, remind me that You're a "Huggy God" too, how it would bring pleasure to Your heart and immeasurable joy to mine too--to look up to You during the day for another quick squeeze. I'll call it my "heart massage"--all through the day.

SEAGULL EXTRAS

Okay, so there's the story of the winning painting of the art contest of the theme "Peace" being of the Raging Tempest and Craggy shoreline, with Nesting Bird, showing the UNSHAKABLE CALM of the GULL. But...

But that bird doesn't stay on his nest all his life, but spends plenty of time dancing in the skies, playing with his friends, and even dives into the water to get yummy for his tummy! He isn't about to let a few bad storms rob him of any joy in living! As I told Joyce, if he's a real optimist, even during that storm, when a wave crashes on the rocks near him, the spray won't frighten or irritate him; he'll be looking on the boulders to see if there are any fish flip-flopping about, lifted and deposited there by the water!

And most of birds' heads are filled with EYES, little room left over for the thinking BRAIN. Methinks we Christians would do well too, to LOOK for the beauty of God's working in our lives instead of THINKING of potential problems (You know, lifting our hearts to the Lord often with comments like, "Thank you God, for giving me little blessings during the day, like that CUTE little baby that grandmother was holding!"

NEITHER HERE NOR THERE

The past few weeks, I feel like I've been in spiritually inconsistent mode, far from the bubbling-over walk I've known the past year or so. But it's so confusing. For three days in a row now, I've written Kinya two letters a day...and none of it is forced, yet I feel so dry all the time. In the Old Testament, the Holy Spirit CAME INTO people sometimes and LEFT too; that was supposed to change in the New Testament, but sometimes I feel like that's  what's happening to me: when God "hits" me with something, I gotta tell you, it's REAL like life could never be less than heavenly then, but in a few hours, I'm "on empty" again.

I wish you could see me. I don't get up in the mornings hungry for Garden Time like I used to; the kids get on my nerves; and the way you can really tell is I get self-defensive, inhibited, and timid. "Bubbly" June gets quiet and reserved. And when she tries to work up some kind of spirit on her own, she ends up getting silly, unthoughtful, and self-centered. Ack. What do you think? (Can a person be in PMS for a whole month? I really don't think that's the problem here.)

What I am really like or where I am spiritually really doesn't matter--or, shouldn't matter. The Lord Jesus never changes, HE is worthy of highest praise and following into abundant life. I don't need to look at my ever-sinking feet but the Hand that lifts me out of the water EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Heb. 12:2, Isa. 26:3, II Chron. 2-:12, Ps. 73:25, Jn. 6:68.

Just call me Chicken Little. I like to run around screaming, "The Sky is Falling!" God just shakes His head at me, and says, "not as long as I'M alive, little birdie."

SPRING EVERY DAY

Emily asked me what my favorite season of the year was. My first thought was spring. But, I told her, I can't stand feeling sleepy all the time, as I often seem to feel at spring. Other than that, I like spring. In Glory, we won't have physical limitations to think about. Besides, we won't have to worry about the other seasons; it'll be SPRING EVERY DAY FOR ETERNITY! 

(I'd actually added, in my journal,"I wonder if there'll be bush warblers in Heaven?")

THIMBLES

I told you about poking myself with the needle when working on Raymond's gym clothes. I remember wishing for a thimble then. My first thought when looking at thimbles was about how bulky and restrictive they were, how I never wanted to put stuff like that on my finger when sewing! But now I see that with it, you're not afraid of poking yourself so can sew with much more ease of mind and speed. Trials God may choose for us, altho' they seem uncomfortable and undesirable at first glance, may actually be the protection and blessing we really need.

I think for American girls pondering spending life in Japan, it can apply to cultural surroundings, too.  Sometimes the very "do's and don't's, the can's and can't's, can be our guidelines to the "get-to's" God has for our greatest happiness! When things come up "Why can't I do this here in Japan?", remember, "maybe it's so I won't hurt myself and so I'll be more effective in being a living testimony for God's glory?"

SPRINGS AND CISTERNS

John 4:14, from the story of the woman at the well in Sychar: "But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a WELL OF WATER SPRINGING UP into everlasting life." and "He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, OUT OF HIS BELLY shall flow rivers of living water." (Jn. 7:38) There's this picture of ABUNDANT, ANIMATED, PULSATING life, not just "sufficient".

And "As well the singers as the players on instruments shall be there: ALL MY SPRINGS ARE IN THEE" (Ps. 87:7) ANY praise, overflow, originates in the Lord Himself! At the same time, it's irrepressible and results in geysers of praise, I felt, and saw the music bursting out in my life as just that.

But when I got to church and sat down at the piano, going through the morning numbers to "warm up" for worship service accompanying, I realized my two-week's rest had resulted in my fingers getting stiff.... I don't know how to describe the dismay I felt at the realization I couldn't do things on the keyboard I had been finally able to do two weeks ago! And it hit me.

That morning, I'd also been taken to Jer. 2:3: "For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me the FOUNTAIN OF LIVING WATERS, and hewed them out cisterns, BROKEN CISTERNS, that can hold no water." My immense loss of joy--wasn't it because I had taken my eyes off HIM WHOM MY SOUL WANTED TO ADORE IN SONG and made an idol of the increasing ability (piano-playing technique) to do so instead? While practicing, I usually didn't think about fellowshipping with others present; while practicing, I felt meeting my children's needs were interruptions, irritations; how was practicing then different from any other obsession?

That morning's message was from Hab. 1:1b, but the Japanese translation made it much more clear:

"making his own strength his god". It was like I'd emphasized in the Sunday School lesson that morning: as God gave Eve as a helpmeet, but it resulted in sin, so often we receive blessings from God and turn them into idols. It hit me God had sent me "finger-freedom", and I was turning it into heart-shackles instead! It was like God spoke a strong, "Stop, June, right now, before you go too far and mess up the good thing I wanted to send you." Oh for a balance between "enjoy" and "idolize"!

God, I guess, saw my heart. That night was English service. We sang "Shout to the Lord", choruses like: "I'm So Happy", "Give Me Oil In My Lamp", "Isn't He Wonderful", "He's Able"--and I found myself singing all over the world (you know, notes that aren't on the songsheet) again, doing descants (by myself, tunes I've been dying to sing since a long time ago but never had the courage to take off on alone).

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Wednesday, I shared with the church ladies about a person I met in college. Her name was Julie Keyt. We'd never met before, but knew about each other through a mutual friend. Most people, when introducing themselves, say normal things like, "Hi. I'm (name goes here). Nice to meet you." Not Julie. The first sound out of her mouth--accompanied by uninhibited gesturing--was, "...and UNDERNEATH ARE THE EVERLASTING ARMS!"

I remember thinking, "I can tell we're going to be real good friends!" But I haven't heard from her in two decades. I wonder what her last name is now? And what kind of situation she might find herself in? Everlasting arms of love--oh Lord, I found myself crying, may they be very real to her even now.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE

Friday morning was my "hata toban" day (mothers take turns at crosswalks. Before the kids came, I saw sparrows--on rooftops, on T.V. antennaes, on telephone lines--and began singing "The Birds upon the Treetops" as well as 「そらのとりは」,then went onto singing「イエスのみうでに」.Perhaps there were others, I don't remember. But what I DO remember was when the children came to cross the road, I couldn't help smiling and 「おはようございます」-ing. Something inside said, "I don't care if I'm not supposed to be overly expressive; I'm happy, and I've gotta show it!"

God sends birdies to lighten my spirits, melodies to cheer my heart, then smiles to seal it all--thank You, God!

NERVE WORK

 At any rate, I've seen this year that God can 

1. use physical pain to help us forget emotional stressors...but then He 

2. helps us forget even that physical pain!

Wow. And He doesn't specialize in just helping us FORGET negatives, but He opens our eyes to things we didn't even know to ask for!

"The eyes of your understanding being enlightened, that ye may know what is the hope of your calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints." (Ephe. 1:18)

DISCOMFORT PEARL

Back. I gotta share something with you pretty directly related to your mail yesterday. About not writing about my physical condition several months ago. I decided to stop using the word "pain" and substituted it with "discomfort". My daughter Emily's been praying for me every night that God would help me forget the pain. After the evening meal last night (we had two MK's over), I was absent-mindedly wrapping on the medical corset (over my clothes) to do the dishes, when one of them asked, "It still hurts?" I wanted to respond, "Of course it still hurts! It has since July!" And then it occurred to me although the "pain" is still around all day every day, I NO LONGER NOTICE IT! (That's why I didn't mention it in the last letter to you! When you mentioned it, I was surprised!) It's like an invariable, a background noise, and my conscious life has been adapted around it, so it really DOES NOT MATTER MUCH ANYMORE! God not only has been answering Emily's "forget pain" prayer--I don't even find it a "discomfort"; just a "constant"! My email didn't mention it, and you hoped that was a good sign? Absolutely!

The "discomfort" was the grain of sand in the oyster (clam?); God transformed it into a beautiful pearl (the former discomfort is no longer an irritation, even cause for thought; I'm not omniscient God, but methinks much of my present understanding/enjoyment of God's Love/Christian Joy is owing to my physical condition). Oh the genius of God!

CAN-DO vs. CAN-BE

Philippians 3:1-4 is too often used to support accomplishing tasks for God but reading the entire text seems to say I CAN BE CONTENT in all circumstances. Natural man may say, "health" consists in being well; scripture seems to say "being robust" isn't bound by physical wellness (it no longer matters) but you can love life to the fullest, so much so that it "overspills" to others! Natural man says, "wealth" consists in possession; the Bible says man, in God, can gain all his desires--unlimited by human attainment! There's so much more, but I'm falling into that mental-analytical trap again so will stop here.

MISPLACED VALUES

God tells us to fill our minds with good things: true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, praiseworthy (Phil. 4:8). But most of the things on the air talk of negative news, and even the "positives" are MISPLACED VALUES, when you think about it. (Nature, delicacies, traditions, family, courage, patriotism...things that seem to say, "YOU DON'T NEED GOD TO BE HAPPY!") I think the media has most of us fooled into thinking the world's SHADOWS are reality...when Christians ought to know that God is THE LIGHT--true reality, and things of the world are SHADOWS that form when that light has been rejected!

GARDEN TIME

I call devotions "Garden Time" now. I got to the place where I was enjoying it TOO much, wanting to "stay in the garden" and "short circuit" with blessing...instead of listening to the Lord's voice to "leave the garden" and "magnetize" others to Himself (sorry about the mixed metaphors!)

This morning, I realized, in this age of cell phones, we Christians have "portable" "gardens" too to carry around all day - SONGS! Instant worship, instant praise, instant prayer, instant fellowship, instant emotional intimacy...even if the mad rush of the day cannot afford LONG CONCENTRATED time blocks, singing only takes a few moments! YES!

(Of course, while all this is provided for our hearts' enjoyment, a diet of ONLY songs will result in a shallow soul, needing instant gratification!) I'd made the addition in my own notebook and needed to write it here as well. I'd also noted the following:

Songs, by themselves, will only add; there really should be scripture so memorized that the hymns themselves bring echoes of that inspired word! (Often that works on reverse too, since songs can holp with scripture memorization.) 

Something that came to me last night: I thot I dreaded housework. Long story short--IF that housework time is enjoyed, not for itself, but for the melodies hummed and praises sung during that time, it can actually become an EXTENSION of "Garden Time" begun in the early morning! Then, I can enjoy time in the Word almost all day AND NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT; after all, I'm taking care of all other responsibilities in the meantime too! Added plusses: 1. Place will always be presentable for unexpected ministry; 2. The family benefits if it's clean and straightened; 3. I will feel better.

So...will go "portable gardening" now. Bye!

    Washing while I whistle,

    Pressing while I praise,

    Sweeping while I sing,

    Brightening home and heart!